You know how it goes? It’s no fairy tale. It’s life. The most important thing in it, is not to figure out the reasons for things, but to LIVE It. A wave of philosophy strikes me. A flood of ideas, perceptions, and motives. My father. I miss him. I miss having my dad, but, I am his son. I owe it to him, no, to myself, to achieve excellence and success. Now some people might think that means to make money, accomplish a certain goal, or even gain prestige or fame. Not to me. To me? It means happiness. It means being myself and enjoying the hell out of it. It means, being whatever and who ever I want. For me, above all else, it means to do right and love all.
My father. He was a good man as far as I remember. I used to think I was losing some memories of him, because I couldn’t remember many things. But I mean, I guess that’s normal if you spend over half of your life without him. To be fair, I still have my dad, and I love him so much, but I also know he’s a different part of my life now. And that’s what hurts.
But, I love him all the more for teaching me so much, all before I aged 11 years. So many things that he did for me. Perhaps his most important lesson, intentional or otherwise, was the lesson of love and empathy. He wasn’t like most adults I knew, hell most adults I KNOW. If I could be half as good a man as my dad was as good a father, I’ll never have to worry about my moral compass.
And while he isn’t in my life in the same way he used to be, I have to count myself lucky. I mean, he gave me so much in so little time. How can I NOT be thankful. Sure I can’t build shit or put things together, work on cars, do very little “manly” things. But so what?
I’m a fantastic person. I have a fantastic group of friends. A SUPER girlfriend, who stands by me thick or thin to support me in whatever way I need, too often sacrificing her own needs. Well, I’m here now. It took me a while to arrive to the station, but there’s no train outta town for a while, so you got me, ALL of me. Whatever you need me to do, it’s my turn to hold you up, and make you realize how wonderful you are Jaslyn.
My dad. What a great man.
I’m ready. Ready to move on. To do what I need. To be myself to the fullest.
I don’t know if it’s the new meds I started over a month ago or what. But I am enjoying the heck out of life. It’s like… Maybe this is how people are SUPPOSED to feel. I mean sure the grass is already greener on the other side. But fuck that, my grass is vibrant, electric blue. Why would I WANT greener grass :).
Thanks to all of you, friends, mentors, role models. You have got me here. I’m still somewhat of a “boy”, erm… a “child” haha. BUT, I love that. I love that I can still stand in awe of things, and be speechless at times.
Here’s to looking forward to the months to come, to be spent with my favorite people, to my future and everything. And here’s a another cheers to be used on the acceptance of myself from everyone else… And if they can’t.. They can shove it. Cause I’m awesome.