Future

Sometimes I read things.  Sometimes these things I read are articulate or intelligent reads.  Other times, still cerebral, but not necessarily possessing an intellectual value.  Sometimes I read things for fun and they occasionally feel as though they are trying to appeal to lowest common denominator for purposes of sales.  

But can I expect any less of anyone?  They want to make money with their passion right?  I can’t be mad at them for that…

I kept trying to figure out how I would make a living off one of my passions… Writing, academic knowledge, trivial knowledge, inordinate amount of patience when it is required, strong desire to destroy the world only to force the few remnants of humanity to start over in a less FUBAR situation, you know, the same passions you or any normal person has.

And I would think, what IS my passion?  What is it that drives me?  For the longest time, I would just sort of pick something I knew I was passionate about in that moment, maybe even now, it’s what I’m doing, it always feels epiphany-like, but in the end, it never really is.  I would say “Math, that’s something I have both a talent for, and the ability to do good with, I should pursue something in math”.  Or I might say “Programming is where it’s at, I really do love solving problems with code, there’s something magical about it and it’s not a skill everyone has”.  Often my ideas focused on my more unique abilities, rather than flaming passions.  Maybe I just couldn’t figure out an outlet for something I was truly passionate about and as such rarely considered it in a serious fashion.  

But, I’m passionate about making people feel better, about helping them, about summoning some sort of generous force to bend people to a slightly more benevolent version.

Kindness… I wish I couldn’t call it a commodity.  I wish kindness was so common that people would try to figure out reasons why a person is acting out or “being mean”.  As it stands, a lot of acts of kindness result in either astonishment or the receiver of an act of kindness (or someone they have relayed the details of the act to) as being so struck by its ridiculousness that they feel the need to place it in a context that warps the act of kindness to something like manipulation.  

Not everyone helps people just to get something in return.  If they do, those should be investments, not favors or acts of kindness.  I feel like the whole person experience just escapes me.  I mean, I have my share of frustration and aggression and impatience and anger, just like most, but every day or night, I just think about those things and it upsets me to be that type of person.  

So, that is something I’m passionate about, spreading kindness.

I couldn’t tell you why it’s so damn rare nowadays.

Just today at the store I work at, I was walking behind a customer, having already greeted them and offered assistance, headed in the same direction as them.  They passed by a couple of my coworkers, both superiors of mine, but they were having a discussion as they were headed in a direction.  These customers were what I would gather to be a man in his late thirties, early forties, his wife, of the same age, and his two kids, a boy of maybe 13 years of age and a smaller girl, I’d estimate 10 at the most.  But as they passed, they could hear a partial sentence from one of my coworkers, like maybe 4 or 5 words.  The boy took it upon himself to repeat the words momentarily after in a mocking tone.  I just sort of sighed in my head thinking something to the effect of “kids… we are all that dumb at somepoint”, but then the father said something like, “Yeah, stupid bitch, maybe if she spent more time working and less time talking, things could get done”.

Like really?  Is that even necessary?  Maybe it was satirical?  I don’t know… It bothered me though.  People don’t need to have those kinds of thoughts that they immediately jump to.  Even if they had a bad experience, which as best I could tell would not have been in that particular visit due to the context provided to me, that shouldn’t be the “goto” response.  1: It showed the ignorance of your average person, at least here.  I mean, does he want to seriously argue he doesn’t socialize at all or anything when he is doing some sort of work?  Because he didn’t know the full context, I would be willing to bet he did not know their required duties and if they were meeting them or not.  For the record, I believe they were, they were just headed to a part of the store, you don’t have to walk in complete silence to make it be “doing your job”.  2: It showed the immediate unempathetic response towards their fellow person, they didn’t care to know the situation, but they wanted to point out why it was “bad practice” or whatever you wish to deem it.  3: What do they even get out of judging and criticizing someone who has little to no impact on the quality of their life or immediate shopping experience?  To me, it indicates more of a trend.  With an upbringing like that, you could expect the children to not pursue things that they don’t know or understand.  You could expect them to not be empathetic to their peers or friends, to not have any emotional intelligence growth or understanding as they develop.

Why is it that hate groups are even a thing?  Charities are a thing, and the word even puts a bad taste a decent amount of people’s mouths.  But hate groups? They are really only bad when they represent hate for something you like.  That shouldn’t be the case either.  

Sidenote: I feel like there is a subgroup of Atheists who are a hate group.  I remember trying to interact with some anonymous ones one time, they wanted to tell me why I was wrong, not even why they were right.  With the vaguest sense of principles as well.. I wasn’t even telling them I was right or that they were wrong, I was merely trying to gather an explanation for something I misunderstood at the time.  Some, like maybe 3 or 4 were very helpful, but the rest, (dozens) were quick to spout hate and tell me how the fact that I didn’t write series of events in my life off as a coincidence, was the “real problem”.  (These events were used in my discussion for part of why I personally believed in God) I asked why that was problem.  The response I received was something to the effect of I would do irrational things if that’s the case.  I pondered this for a moment, supposing the argument is true.  But wait! Emotions, those are the very opposite of rational behavior, so I mention that any normal person should be entitled to their share of emotions and irrational behavior without judgment.  He replied, no, only the ones that realize they are being irrational and then attempt to fix it, should be entitled to this.  I thought to myself, “Huh, how do you feel you have a meaningful existence, or in the very least satisfying, under this perception”.  But let it be, I didn’t feel the need to have him represent the entirety of what appeared to be delusions to me.  

A lot of them were interested in not answering my questions, but rather probing my motivations or understanding of my own beliefs.  I obliged, trying to be friendly.  After I received a fair share of rude and irritating responses, I noted in the forum about how I had no disrespect for them and their beliefs, I would appreciate the same courtesy extended to me.  I received more than a few replies in the vain of “Like how all Christians show love and respect for Atheists, they call us the Devil”.  To which I replied with an apology, but was quick to note I did not do those things, and I also did not approve of the people who do, even if they share my same religious beliefs.  

They seem to have a very superior attitude, in that, anyone who did not agree with them was wrong, based purely on empirical evidence and rationalization.  They wanted to say how they were superior and would not stoop to the depths of any other religion, because it was disgraceful, but in many of the ways they said this, they were indicating they were no better than the very people they judged or spoke about.  

I was also informed how I had to have less significant ethics or morals, because I got mine from a “book”.  This particular person said their morals were of greater value because they actually thought about their actions, as opposed to consulting the Bible.  I didn’t even know how to address the ignorance of the statement.  I did, in a rather mean way admittedly, after needing to let off some steam, taking all that hate talk.  But, I mean, if you are telling someone you are morally superior, on what ground are you saying that?  You can’t relate all of your individual life experiences, thoughts, actions and results to theirs without having been them, and certainly there are a million ways to look at various ethics problems and not have any clear and decisive “best course of action” or perspective.  Not to mention, that if he sincerely believed I referred to a text, holy or otherwise, anytime I felt there was a moral decision to make at hand, he probably shouldn’t be trying to claim how they are the ideal person, since they rationalize everything.  

Ultimately, I ended up abandoning the discussion relatively quick.  Not because I was losing or felt that there was nothing to gain.  Because there were some genuinely kind people on there, who provided me with new information and perspective.  But rather, it was not worth my time, effort, energy and happiness to continue to go back and forth with people who had obviously settled into Atheism with some sort of elitist mindset, intending to spread hate and anger under the guise of reason and knowledge.  I have Atheist friends, some really great people.  I don’t think Atheism makes you a bad person, but it, along with a lot of different things, does have an avenue to explore with hate for those not of like minds.  

I’ve known too many people that complain about being wished a “Merry Christmas” because they were Atheist and don’t believe in Christ.  Really?  They aren’t telling you to go die in a hole, or something to try to be offensive, they are being kind, you can argue it’s being single minded or assumptive, but if you are going to argue that they are trying to be offensive, maybe you should rethink your beliefs, at that point, it just sounds like you are wanting reasons to hate people.  Which is cool, I mean whatever, be misanthropic, I can dig that, so long as you’re respectful, but don’t lie and say how you are humanist and empathetic, when it is so obviously untrue.  

Well, that’s enough rant for the moment, I had some more stuff I wanted to cover, but I think I’ll save it for another time.  Kindness it what it comes down to.  I wish we could all be the kind people we try to pose as…

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