Since going to the hospital, things have mostly died down. I’ve felt at peace mostly. Tranquility in abundance.
My thoughts still danced with flames which should be put out, but they did not anger me or cause me a great deal of discomfort. A downside though. All of my thought is suppressed, as if it takes a great effort to summon words. I have a hard time thinking, like I have to start speaking or writing for the thought to manifest itself correctly. I’ve been tired, so tired that I’ve learned to sleep in some interesting and deeply painful positions. And I regularly get 12-15 hours of sleep a day when work allows for that.
Not quite the quality of life I desire, but, it’s also not the same pain I’ve been in prior.
My thoughts ache to be heard. But, my mind won’t create them until they are being spoken, sometimes leaving me unaware. This is not the beauty I once held in my mind, although it’s wonderfully structured. Chaos and structure are both beautiful in their own right. And now, I have more structure than chaos, sometimes I am pleased with this. Sometimes I yearn for the poetry I’d often speak throughout the day.
I should tread carefully. But, I know not why I return here today, I thought it was for another reason, and lost it was to my mind as my fingers play across these backlit letters.
Maybe another time.