Where’s the Kicker?

I was supposed to write another post today. Part of my largely unread series of the “Nerditorial”. Couldn’t decide what it would be about. Maybe I’ll make it tomorrow or some grand post next week. I haven’t really been busy, just able to preoccupy myself without wanting to write words.

Well… Actually that’s not true. I have started something I have termed “The Legacy Initiative”. It’s essentially heartfelt last words, requests and the like and will be presented in the event of my demise. Working on coding the delivery system myself.

So I’ve written a few thousand words in that regard. Maybe that worded me out for a bit because I didn’t feel much like posting this week. But here it is, the obligatory post.

Still doing grand, had a few hiccups in my opinion this past week, but nothing major. Still largely energetic and hopeful and considerably seemingly manic. My joints still hurt from whatever I got going on with me physically, but I’m doing my best to pay it no mind.

Beautiful words struck at me again and again this week. But as I attempted to manifest them…

They just…
floated away.
In an attempt to escape their paper prison.
I tried so hard to tame them. Begged them to remain until I erected a requiem. But they seemed the master of their own purpose. So I gave up, at least able to admire in the wonder and beauty and remnants left behind.

Some of them were songs. I just wrote songs in my head while I worked. Beautiful things, I liked what I had accomplished. And as my mind darted about the day, the song was just flittering away, leaving me only with a few lines and a chorus, and certainly no real musicality to it.

But, what can I do? I am content that I at least seem capable of this creation, even if only temporary and even if it can never be shared.

Certainly frustrating, but also quite soothing once I was able to accept it for what it is.

Anyway… My meds have me thinking the most clear I have in a really long time. Wanting to do projects and interact with friends. I’m even working out how to return to school to finish my computer science degree. Certainly my talent is squandered in the field of retail.

There have been interesting strangers in my life. I’ve had not once, but several times the situation where someone I don’t know approaches me and verbalizes that I am destined for greatness. I have had others with me, friends usually that can verify some of these encounters. I always dismissed it of course, just eccentric rambling. But I wonder how many people I know have had these same encounters. I would expect it to be similar, but in my search and conversation over the material, it’s very slim.

It seems silly, but maybe there was something about me, IS something about me that can be great. I would like to champion the cause of mental health. That’s an important goal to me. I would love to be an integral part of the community. I want to stay humble in my purpose though. While I intend to be only slightly better than human, I do not wish to forget all the help I’ve had getting here. And everyone is equal, even when I strive to be better than most.

To obviously better days, even should they remain cloudy, I will stand steadfast in my cause, and will be a champion of sorts.


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