Monthly Archives: September 2015

Force Friday (A tad late)

I meant to do a post about Force Friday as an attempt to do a Nerditorial revival. For those that care, the nerditorial idea is a just an intended weekly post about different stuff I like to talk or be obsessed about. Force Friday was a marketing event planned some time ago and announced back in this past May. It was September 4th and many stores did things like open at midnight to showcase and sell the new star wars merchandise.

Now, I’m a huge star wars fan, so I had to go. Of course having no job is a tad bumming. Luckily, my birthday was within the following week and my mom had the great kindness to give me cash for this event. Yes, I know how much like a child I sound. No, I give zero effs. So yeah, the 3rd came quickly and I rounded up a friend to do this with. We went to Target first, knowing that they were doing a raffle for this huge plush of Chewbacca.

We stand in line for an hour. Talking a little trash about how these people are here and some are more on the hype train than the star wars fanatics. Like it’s just a thing for them to do. At first I feel a tad offended hearing some of the comments rolling around, displaying clear and painful star wars ignorance. Then I remind myself, we can all love star wars differently and to different extents.

A guy stands in front me. He’s been largely quiet. It’s now about 10 minutes until the line to select merchandise starts moving. I point to his amazingly rad jacket and whisper praise to my friend, or at least I did when we first got there. It was a leather varsity type jacket. It had little button-LED like nubs on it. The title stitched in the upper left corner of the image read “Return of the Jedi” and it featured a TIE Interceptor chasing an X-Wing. there was an explosion featured near the Interceptor.

Anyway, the Target employee says how excited he is for the new star wars film and merchandise and that he and his team have been waiting all week for this event. Blah blah, get to the good stuff. The crowded line starts up chatter.

“What are you most excited for?”
“The new movie is gonna be so sick!”
“Kylo Ren’s lightsaber is so badass.”

I indulge some of the comments. While I disagree with others, I know Star Wars can be something great to everyone, even if what I like is different.

The guy in front of me turns around.
“Hey, check this out.” and he thumbs at the image I kept being hypnotized by. The stars twinkle. I knew it! LEDs!
“That’s awesome!”
“Yeah? What about this?”
And lasers emit from the interceptor in a pattern to show it’s path and movement. Hadn’t caught those, so awesome.

I probably looked like I was ready to drown in a pool of my own drool.

That aside, we have some light conversation for a bit. I start getting really excited. We eventually make it to the front of the line while we wait on the other shoppers, we can stare into the area we are about to ravage. The new lego X-Wing set, Poe’s X-Wing catches my eye. I want it so bad, but that would be virtually all my gift money, plus the coupon at target wasn’t valid on legos, so despite making me salivate, the thought gets filed away for a later date. I see the black series figure vehicles on the end cap. And the pop vinyl figures on a display. I make note of the of other black series stuff I had an interest in.

Then we’re told we can go. I make a stunted rush toward the pops at first. Then I spin to the right, almost whipping into a person also staring excitedly at the pops. I dart to the end cap. All the vehicles are there. And much cheaper than I thought. I start trying to gather one of each. manage to get 8 of the 10. Then I hop back to the pops. Start collecting one of every type.

“Crap. I should have got the ones that had only one left first.” I tell my friend afterr seeing the last stormtrooper and BB-8 droid snapped away in front of me. I had prioritized them lower since they weren’t characters I was super interested in. I reach for the last Captain Phasma and a guy to my right says he saw it first. Also the guy who took the last BB-8 droid. I hesitate. My hand was on it first, but I can always find it later. I retreat and offer it to him.
“You reached for it first bud. I may have seen it, but I think we all did”
“Thanks man, you got the last droid too. So, we’re even… or something.” I smile to show my gratitude.

I picked up a 6″ black series of Kylo Ren before determining my trip was done. I waited around for the raffle of the first Chewbacca, didn’t win. Scrambled up front to check out. was 3 dollars short of getting $25 off my purchase, so I had the cashier hold my stuff while I went and searched some more. I got a 9th vehicle before heading back up.

I made it back just in time for the second raffle.
Still did not win.

A guy turns to me.
“You staying for the last raffle?” he asks.
“Yeah, that’s why I came to Target first.”
“Well. Reach in there. Grab my wallet. Don’t.” he laughs in the middle of his words “..ah don’t run off with it. If you don’t, you can have my ticket in there.”
“Whoa, really? You sure?” I asked, probably excitement dripping off me.
“Yeah, we got to go to one more place before this is done.”
I take the ticket.
He tells me good luck and leaves.
After he turns I shout “May the Force be with you”.

While I teased my friend what I would do if I won the stranger’s ticket. I told myself that if I won with his, it needed to go to one of the few kids present. It would be generosity that won it in that case, and I couldn’t feel right taking that prize home on someone’s kindness. I settled in the idea that it would mean a lot more to a kid than it would me, but still allowed me to be greedy and hopeful I would win on my own ticket.

The 3rd and final raffle ticket was called. Didn’t win. No one claimed. They shout it again, because this happened the first raffle and the lady was out of earshot, resulting in a problem. No one comes forward. They call a new number, I listen for the final three digits, the first one was off for both my tickets. I sighed in defeat, also relieved that I didn’t have to find a kid to offer chewbacca to without upsetting someone else.

We did a little more that night. But that thought of generosity didn’t leave me. That’s the person I always want to be. Even when it’s things I really, really want for myself. It’s that sort of spirit that makes the culture have the potential to be awesome and something more than just movies, books, and games. But the night ended with me satisfied for my loot. Oh so satisfied.

I want to talk some about collectibles and merchandise next time I get around to writing and working on the nerditorial. So I hope that happens soon, other than that, hope my narrative wasn’t terrible boring while also offering a bit of insight to my hapless charity.

Good night all. And may the Force be with you, Always.

Why 80% of who I am is rant

Hi. I’m Grant. See my name? The latter 4 letters spell a word in their own right. Rant. You got it. And if you know me, you’ve probably heard this phrase or comparison before. But I’m also bipolar. I feel like that makes me prone to rants of sort in general.

Oh yeah, that show, Supernatural? I still have rant on that impeding my watching it. Stopped in the middle of season 7. Or government? Yeesh, don’t get me started.

More and more I start gaining real interest in the discussion of perception and philosophy. I want people to consider what motivates them. What they think motivates others. What they think is right and wrong with the world. No body is wrong, I wouldn’t argue everyone is right though. Too many variables in that.

The 40 minute rant tonight? What is communism? Heh. A good rant. I actually brought out my copy of “The Communist Manifesto” to back me up. I’ll give you the short version. “Communists”? Like the governments in China or Russia for example. Those aren’t communists. They are more or less, in my opinion, despotic rules performed under the guise of communism. This might be left over from some of the attempts at revolutions in the 1800s. Communism was meant to be a good movement. One away from militarized force and absolute rule. One where everyone contributed what they could and received just as much from the sovereign. In essence, communism is an entirely naive idea, one that could never be brought in true fidelity in this world. As a friend of mine said, “communism looks good on paper”.

But enough of that, I spent 40 minutes shouting about it. Pretty glad my girlfriend didn’t have to endure it. Just to be clear, I do not sympathize with the governments that identify themselves as communist. I just believe that to be a complete perversion of the idea. I go on to criticize current global economies and our role in them. In the end, it means nothing. I’m just getting from one angry place to another, with some strange sense of “this is just”. But again, I make no decisions, and I have no control in that regard.

I’ve been like that a little bit lately. I think it’s just an “episode” of sorts, still mostly mild, but still here. I don’t hurt people. I don’t like people that do anything that does. I don’t judge people either. And things I once thought I was above, are merely things I don’t like. I don’t need to be on a moral ladder or any position over another just because I disagree. It simply means I don’t agree. I do not tolerate people that cause others pain intentionally, whether it is the motivation or not.

But ranting as I do, also tends to reflect on my current state. Unsatisfied. Wanting justice to be present. So I pray after I yell about things for nearly an hour (ok, maybe not really yelling the whole time, I got quite a bit of normal voice in too). I tell myself I’m just passionate about some of these things. And I don’t really know if that’s true or just another rationalization.

I know that I can love people with dissent between us. My ideals need not align for me to wish you good health and a wonderful future. But these rants. They feed my anger in a way I determine is just. I don’t act in impassioned anger. I merely speak in it. As though I see too many injustices on a daily basis that my mouth opens and my brain just passes it a speech I was not aware I rehearsed.

I’m a great public speaker. In part because I can understand rhetorical approach. This bleeds through even in rants. But, do I embrace this side of me? It doesn’t seem to go away. But, it rarely leaves me pleased with myself after. Maybe I should take a more active role? I don’t know. These are all wonderful things to consider. But then again, maybe it’s just an episode?

Well. Just trying to gain some perspective. On another night where the meds don’t set in nearly fast enough. I think I’m still doing well. Just have a lot to comment on when I’m not at the computer I guess. For “rant” is 80% who I am.

Here we go

Maybe good fortune will shine on me as I try my sworn post again. (clicking save draft every couple sentences). It was my birthday. Turned 25. I said I did nothing special, like the rest of my birthdays in recent times. But, I ought to take that back.

I spent my evening with a woman I’m still tripping madly for. I get the feeling it’s the same for her towards me. I dunno. It’s a reminder of renewal.

I left with that in mind. Then I came home and got in touch with a childhood friend. This idea of renewal rolls over. I’m making promises to him to stay in touch more. I hope I do. He doesn’t know his value to me. But it’s there. He’d still be a groomsman at my wedding. Even if he looked perhaps a bit out of place.

I’m actually talking to him in between writing sentences on here and it’s pretty cool, just talking about nothing in particular now. It’s a nice respite coupled with my lovely birthday evening from the recent events that have been going on.

So much going on. Need a new job. But even that might not happen anytime soon. Pro tip, when you quit a company for dissenting philosophy, have an exit strategy. I know so many of you said that, but now I’m really feeling the burn. My last post was supposed to have touched on this. before it went up in flames. (clicking save draft for the 6th time since the start)

It also touched on acceptance. Of things intended but never achieved. I need to be ok with that. I’m still a good person. If I want, they will get done in time. I don’t have any investors or other reason to do them than my own motivation, so I get to make the call and I get to be ok with it.

This could probably be expanded on more if my head was more clear. It’s hurting and I feel slightly dizzy. Anyway. The direction I was trying to turn this post into was a bit different than the intended post before. I wanted to say I’m good. Even with all the stuff going on. Even the no job. I got a girl that I love. I take one look at my problems. Hell, they’re the problems of almost any 25 year old. Bipolar is just playing the smallest of roles.

Yeah, I like my problems right now. I’d take them any day over the old.

So my post ain’t long and it certainly feels vague. But I can finish it feeling satisfied. Because in the end, these words are for me. I like the thought that people can glean something from them on occasion, but they’re only here to help me. And I’m doing pretty great.

Even so, fingers crossed I can maybe get on some sort of writing schedule and get any sort of readers I have on here, caught up on all things me.

I’m a little upset with that

I just spent 40 minutes spilling my heart onto here. Then randomly the page reset and it was all gone. Not deleted. My browser indicated an issue and it went poof. not even in my drafts. I’m a little spent and too mortified to try to write that again.

Funny. It was about stress. and escapism. And letting things go.

Maybe I’ll write soon. But just now having that happen was a little too extreme.

It’s a small blow, but one, I did not expect after pouring so much out.