Need to write. Bones tell me. Or maybe the nerves. Or maybe my arteries? Probably not the brain though, that guy’s a jerk.
I’m coming off a manic episode. I probably spent more money than needed. But given that the notion was coupled with the fact I now have a job and that I haven’t had a job for a while. I’m eager to return to some sort of routine. I didn’t spend TOO much. I’m ok. I actually resisted making larger purchases and reasoned out smaller ones. Such as an $8 book versus a $100 game. Or that other $100 game. Though… that other one I COULD get discounts…. Haha.
But I’m good. My wonderful girlfriend seemed to experience something similar and it was amusing. I’m glad she is who she is. There’s still something about her that brings about those pesky butterflies. And beyond that she has shown she’s ready to fight for me. Also welcoming. Just amusing she had something of similar disposition.
Anyway. I got to be up early, but my tired eyes don’t seem too bothered at the prospect of deliberating and writing. My body does feel some weird aches and pains though. That’s unfortunate.
Updates. Updates. I still need to do that thing where I write about being in jail. That’d be good.
OH. Saved a dog from the street on the way to church Sunday. He’s a cute fella. His family tracked me down tonight and they were reunited. Which is good because my neighbor was a b-word regarding the thing. People. Sometimes. I don’t get them.
But I’m glad I got a special lady right now I do get. (At least I hope) And she seems to get me (at least I hope). My education seems to be on the track to delayeds-ville, but maybe that’s ok for right now. One step at a time. It’s really good how good I have been. Just the small things and my outlook are that much greater. I can’t recall feeling this good. I honestly can’t. That’s amazing right? And I will hit a low soon as my cycle goes. And you know what? I got this. My girlfriend helps and let’s face it, my meds are actually working. My lows are not that bad. It’s just a mopey couple of days. I don’t contemplate Man and his fallacy and transform that into why I don’t deserve life. Instead it’s, “man, I’d really like to get around to finishing that book.” Or at best (worst) “I wish I could have finished school. That I didn’t mess it up when I had all that scholarship”.
But that. That is nowhere near the pressure I felt in my lows this past decade. Doesn’t even touch it. Instead I find myself daydreaming more often. What tomorrow might bring. What exciting future lies before me. Even if it takes a while to finish my degree. Or whatever. I’m not getting myself worked up about it. I’m my own person. And damn it, I deserve to be. I can do what makes me happy. And I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. This is what I’ve been fighting for. I have it. I still want more, that’s the way isn’t it? But I have what I need. That’s all that matters.
That’s a lot of vague things I suppose. But I’m content. What more is there to say?